Our very first Sunday with our oldest was full of tears. We had taken her into our home just days before. We had wanted to grow our family, and God gave us a 16-year-old who experiences cognitive and physical disability. During service, she struggled to be quiet, it was difficult to tube feed her in the sanctuary, there was nowhere to change her diaper, and the number of items to bring for her was incredible.
The following Sunday, the couch was calling my name. It would have been much easier to stream the service and let her play with her noisy toys, feed her in the comfort of my own home, and not have to load, unload, and reload a giant stroller. Yet, we persisted.
Almost four years have passed, and we have come to realize that our church needs us there as much as we need to be there. Our family serves as an encouragement to others who also walk with the special needs demographic. Looking back at those first weeks and months, I can see many things my congregation did that helped us feel loved and welcomed. I also see opportunities for churches to continue growing in how they serve families with disabilities.
Here are seven ways churches can care well for these families:
- Provide a Reserved Space
Perhaps you do not have chairs rather than pews, but the point is the same. We had a specific place we sat regularly. In our case, it was a shorter pew to accommodate wheelchairs. Individuals with neurodivergence often find more comfort in consistency. When they have a place to sit each week and a spot to call their own, it can make for smoother Sunday mornings.
- Set Up a Private Changing Station
Not everyone with physical disabilities needs this accommodation, but many do. Our church purchased a privacy screen and changing mat for diaper changes. This way, she was able to be changed with dignity and discretion.
- Learn Some ASL.
Though I cannot say each and every person learned ASL, a few people took interest and asked specifically for the words our daughter knew. You don’t need to become fluent—even learning a handful of signs goes a long way. It is as easy as an internet search to find common signs to make deaf, hard of hearing, or mute congregants feel more welcome.
- Make the Effort to Say Hello
Rather than the natural instinct to shrink away when a person feels uncomfortable to talk to, the people in my church regularly drew near. There were individuals each week who made sure to say hello to my family—all five of us. This was by far the most meaningful; no one was forgotten.
- Sensory-Friendly Bags
Putting together a few sensory-friendly bags for families to use during their time at church would be a special help for many. Filling them with noise-canceling headphones or earplugs for them to use during the worship service, squishy toys, and fidget items would serve these members well while not drawing attention away from the service. These are items kids can look forward to playing with only at church.
- Help Build Connections
Churches increasingly have programs for children. However, once the kiddo is a teenager or young adult, the opportunity for relationship dwindles. This can leave individuals with disabilities feeling isolated after aging out of children’s ministry.
Churches can intentionally encourage friendships by inviting peers to include them in conversations, activities, and everyday church life. Often, a simple invitation to belong can make a family feel seen and welcomed.
- Support Caregivers
I do not pretend that every family will trust those within their church to care for their favorite humans, nor should they feel pressured to do so. Trust takes time.
Even so, churches can intentionally care for caregivers in practical ways. Perhaps individuals and families in the church can check in through texts regularly, arrange meals during times of illness, and ensure that the parents do not become too isolated.
Being a caretaker can offer great reward, but it can also take a severe toll on the provider. A church that consistently encourages and supports caregivers reflects the love of Christ in tangible ways.
As we journey to the throne, may our churches show love to families of all types. “And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me’” (Matt. 25:40).
