When I became a single mom, going to church was the hardest part of my week. After juggling everything for the previous six days, I’d do the heavy lifting of getting to the Sunday morning pew, only to be asked questions about my husband.
If I wanted to join any other aspect of church life like a Bible study or ministry team, I felt like I had to move mountains. So when I read that only one in four single moms attends church regularly, I wasn’t surprised. Single moms now have the lowest weekly church attendance rate among parents, even lagging behind single dads.
I believe most churches want to care well for the single moms in their midst. I’ve had two churches care well for me (and my daughter). But it can be hard for churches to know how exactly to help single moms meaningfully participate outside of Sunday worship.
My goal isn’t to prescribe a program or method that every church enacts. What one single mom needs might not be helpful to another. What works well in one church might not be feasible in another. But single moms need and want discipleship, and women’s ministry is how many churches seek to disciple women.
Here are some guiding questions to help churches consider how their women’s ministry can serve single moms.
1. Have You Invited the Single Moms?
Do they know that this ministry or event is for them? Single moms are used to feeling out of place, especially in church settings that often center around the nuclear family. They may need assurance that you want them to be a part of your women’s ministry in general and specific events in particular.
When I became a single mom, going to church was the hardest part of my week.
2. Have You Considered Their Work Schedules?
You can’t plan an event when every person can attend, but if your only women’s Bible study is at 9 a.m. on Thursdays, it’s likely your single moms will never be able to attend. Consider more accessible days and times. You may have to ask single moms to determine when this is, especially if there are school events and sports games to consider. (You’ll probably find that this helps other women who work full-time as well.)
3. Can You Provide Childcare?
I strongly encourage churches to find a way to provide childcare whenever possible. It’s hard, but someone has to do it—the church or the mom. Maybe children are welcome to come to small group or Bible study. If so, make sure single moms know that. But it’s also important that moms can meaningfully participate, and depending on the situation, they may not be able to fully engage while juggling a toddler.
4. Can You Take the Ministry to Them?
If you’re planning to have a six-week Bible study at 8 p.m. on Tuesdays, would a single mom be interested in having the study at her house after her children are in bed, with someone else providing the lesson and snack? If a single mom needs mentorship, could an older woman meet with her over her lunch break at a restaurant near her job? You may need to be creative to meet single moms where they are—literally and figuratively.
5. Do You Consider Single Moms as You Plan Content?
Their lives may be very different from yours. They could be navigating court dates, custody agreements, or survivor benefits. They may be divorced, widowed, or never married. As you choose topics for a retreat or apply a biblical text, have you considered the circumstances of single moms among you and how the Word might minister to them?
6. Is This Event Worth Their Time?
Single moms are always weighing the expense of their time, energy, and resources. They know their limits intimately, and they must be selective in their commitments. Each time they’re offered a new opportunity, they gauge if it’s worth the effort.
If they’re going to do the hard work of showing up, are they going to be discipled? Will they gain friendships that help them grow in Christlikeness? Will they be equipped to study the Bible on their own? Will they walk away reminded of the abundance of God’s grace in their single motherhood?
7. Is Someone Getting to Know Them?
As you talk with these moms and engage them in your women’s ministry, be sure someone is pursuing them in relationship. Connect single moms with women prepared to walk alongside them for the long haul. Strong ministry programs aren’t after participants; they’re after disciples. You have to be in real, meaningful relationship with single moms to disciple them. So don’t stop pursuing them once they show up.
Reach Out into Your Community
As you seek to care for single moms in your church, keep in mind that most don’t attend church regularly. There’s a huge opportunity for churches to invite them.
You may need to be creative to meet single moms where they are—literally and figuratively.
Making your women’s ministry (and your church) accessible to single moms not only serves women already in your church, but it makes your church a welcoming place for more single moms to come.
So much about single motherhood is hard. May we exercise wisdom and extend grace to make coming to church easier for single moms.
